What gets me…
2:05 AM   Tuesday
December 27, 2005

Know what I really hate? I hate putting “ComradeF” into a search engine and seeing results about my past. The internet is a huge history repository… or a stalker. It tracks my accomplishments, shortcomings, mistakes, and even just my casual conversations about software or news. I have no one to blame but myself for always using the same screen name everywhere I go, and I have no problem taking responsibility for everything I say and do. But there’s still something unsettling about having so much of my life out there for everyone to see. My life is different now than it was even just a few months ago, but Google’s cache won’t ever reflect that. There are things stuck in there forever. Makes it difficult to move along and stay positive. Oh well — no one ever said life would be perfectly fair, so I guess that’s just how it goes. It’s my choice whether or not I try to maintain some false state of perfection or just admit that, hey, I made some mistakes, and everyone will always have the opportunity to learn of them.

I got World of Warcraft on Friday. Wow. That’s addictive. And I’m loving it! It’s like Morrowind online or something. Well, not that good, but close. I’ve also been watching all these old episodes of Nip/Tuck… didn’t think I’d ever do more than hear the name of that show, but after some convincing testimonials, I gave it a shot. Took me an entire season before I realized, “hey this is a freaking soap opera!” That certainly hasn’t stopped me, though.

So, I’ve got a Bachelor’s in Psychology now. Know what that means? Absolutely nothing! It means that I can go to graduate school, basically, which is good because that’s in my plans. Unfortunately, I graduated right before all the application deadlines (and wasn’t paying attention to said deadlines), so everything got rushed to all hell and I’m nervous that I may have to sit this year out and try again for 2007. Yuck. No matter how many hoops I jump through, it seems someone is always judging me and making decisions that affect my life. Is it my own fault for giving that control to other people, or am I the one in control, choosing to put myself in positions where I may be judged? That’s a tough one. About as tough as “this statement is false.” Oww.

And of course, this site’s main attraction: music! Where is it? Well, if you’ve read this far, you should see why there hasn’t been any! For now, I work a full work-week and come home to play World of Warcraft as an escape from a reality that doesn’t stimulate me in any valuable way. So until the grad school applications are done and overwith for this round, it looks like the music is off, too. No worries, though… I’ll never stop!

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